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6 Tools For The Chronically Ill To Making Sensible Resolutions

By: John G. Kelly


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"3-2-1 Happy New Year!" Is it? When that ball dropped in Times Square did you have some New Year's resolutions all ready to start January second?

- I'm going to exercise more - I'm going to lose some weight - I will try to get rid of my bad habits - I won't let little things get to me any more - I'm going to start making wiser choices about money

We've all been there. And we've all faced March 23rd rolling around and feeling like a failure because some of those goals haven't crossed our mind since December 31st.

The concept of setting resolutions is worthy and helpful for most people. When you are chronically ill, however, resolutions can be wearisome and even scary. Most of the time our bodies and our health, therefore our lives, are out of our control. The effects of chronic pain can be devastating I you dwell on it. Though losing five pounds a month seems reasonable, a prescription of medication can quickly add on the pounds, despite our best dieting efforts. Even small goals seem hopeless.

The best explanations for not meeting our resolutions are quite reasonable.

--> I'm going to exercise more . . . And then I have surgery and my illness is exasperated. Even my doctor said to take it easy and not overdo right now.

--> I'm going to lose some weight . . . But a simple trip over a curb turns into a broken bone and then the doctor puts you on steroids. Soon you just want to maintain your weight and not gain even more.

--> I'm going to save some money . . . But then on top of my illness I got cancer. Along with tests and labs, it's setting me back thousands of dollars I don't even have to begin with.

So what is the answer?

First, if you didn't set any goals in January, give yourself a pat on the back. No universal rule has been broken that said you must start your New Year's goals in January. The month of January is a time for recovery. You're likely exhausted from the holidays, the travel, or visiting relatives. And most people with illness pack December's calendar full of doctor's appointments too, before their health insurance deductibles all start over in the new years. If you've managed to survive January without any colds or infections, you're in the minority. And in most parts of the country the weather alone can make you feel disabled.

Secondly, make some changes without labeling anything a "resolution." When you go to grab snacks at the store, get items with high fiber, soy, sugar-free, organic, or even those that have immune boosts. Check with a dietician about what some healthy choices would be, taking your illness into consideration. Little changes will eventually add up, and you can have the pleasure of knowing you are working towards your objective.

Thirdly, write down what kinds of things you value. Instead of vowing, "I'm going to spend less money," think about what you really treasure. For example, would you like to go on a missions trip, using your own experience to help others with disabilities? (If so, call Joni and Friends International Disability Center; they often have people with illness go on these trips too.) Rather than listing "get some chronic pain management skills" as a goal, ask around for chronic pain management support groups, counselors, life coaches that specialize in chronic pain, and local hospitals that offer free workshops. You don't have to spend thousands of dollars on spa treatments to get some chronic pain treatment. Stick your list on your refrigerator or on your bathroom mirror to be a daily reminder of what you are specifically saving money for.

Fourthly, team up with a friend who is also ill, to encourage one another in your practical goals. Stress and illness is not a good combination and any change in our life (good or bad) dramatically intensifies the strain. It's not helpful to have a healthy friend say, "Well, maybe if you cut back on your calories more it would help. I noticed you had two bowls of soup at lunch today." (Did she even notice that you completely resisted the temptation of the basket of bread? And it had free refills!) Symptoms of illness are very unpredictable and a friend who understands what you are experiencing is an amazing gift. You will be able to keep a better perspective on your goals when a true friend says, "It's so depressing when you lose the weight and then the medications make you blow back up overnight. But hang in there. It won't last forever."

Fifth, don't be so hard on yourself. When you make a less than perfect choice, give yourself the gift of grace, not guilt. You will have hundreds of do-overs in the next month to make better choices. Strive for making the right choice at least half the time and then take small steps forward, encouraged by your success. And remember, not doing certain things that are detrimental to your goals count as successes too. Skipping the drive-thru restaurant for that large fry you were craving was an admirable choice!

Lastly, set goals that are fun too! Stress and illness is draining and not everything in our lives needs to be fixed. There is no better chronic pain relief than adding more joy to your life. Call people you've met in the past that you admire and ask them if they would have breakfast with you. Go to the movies each month. And when you meet a step towards your goal, such as cleaning out the closet to become more organized, reward yourself. Go buy a chic new hat that brings out the diva side of you that you've been hiding. Living with chronic pain means forcing yourself being silly sometimes.

If you have supportive friends and down-to-earth expectations, by the end of the year you will find that you are one of the few people who actually met some of those "resolutions." And everyone has some of their goals that are left for next year's calendar! So celebrate the fact that you have found some joy along the journey of reaching towards some new habits, despite living with illness.

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Get a free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen when you subscribe to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the founder of Invisible Illness Week



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