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Dealing With Trust

By: Alex Archer


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When a man or woman has an affair, attention is most often focused on them, their marriage, and the looming outcome. The effects of this infidelity on kids is often overlooked, but it can be just as hard on children as it is on their parents. Like their mother and father, kids may begin experiencing feelings of mistrust, self-blame, and confusion; and it will undoubtedly affect them down the road in relationships of their own.

Children may feel a sense of guilt for their parent cheating. Many times children will blame themselves for the problems of their parents because they think that their actions may be the cause of their parents. They can become confused, angry, sad, and distrusting.

Many children draw a strong sense of security from the relationship between their mother and father. When this relationship is negatively affected in any way, that sense of security is destroyed. As a result, many kids are plagued with behavior problems that stems from their fear of an uncertain future. Even the slightest hint of infidelity may cause a child to react in this way.

When an affair occurs, family dynamics also change. Siblings may act out against one another, often aggressively; and emotional detachment between family members is certain. Brothers and sisters may not trust one another, and they may also blame each other for what is going on.

The stability of a loving home disappears when someone cheats. Both parents may create a facade, but most children are capable of seeing the falsehood. This increases the overall level of stress. The attempts to make the situation better actually make it worse, leaving the children feeling unloved and vulnerable.

Many children whose parents have been unfaithful go on in life to have problems in relationships of their own. They may have ingrained feelings of mistrust and jealousy, which can affect their faith in their partner. They also may believe they are destined to suffer the same consequences as their parents.

A breakdown in the relationship between a parent and a child can also result from infidelity. The child may harbor feelings of anger or resentment towards their mother or father and feel that they have been abandoned. Deep, emotional wounds such as these never seem able to fully heal, and many children will carry these with them well into their adult lives.

Even in cases where a couple decides to move past an affair and avoid divorce, their children can still suffer emotional and psychological damage. Reminders and memories of the affair may always loom large, and the children may watch constantly for signs that infidelity may happen once again. It may not be a question of if, but when.

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