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Do You Have A Dominant Partner?

By: Ian Robinson


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In the real world today, as I see it, there are two different types of relationships. The first of course is the one most would recognize and think they have. The second one not only is the oldest but most frowned upon by todays social standards.

Most commonly recognized and socially accepted today is the relationship where both partners share equally in the responsibilities of the relationship. This 'vanilla' type relationship most likely will have both patners working jobs outside the home and sharing in all of the day to day decisions that affect the union. It is even possible only one works outside the home while the other is a stay at home parent.

The second type of relationship, commonly referred to as a 'traditional lifestyle" or a "D/s" relationship is the oldest type of relationship in history. In this type of relationship each partner has specific responsibilites and roles and one of the partners has much more control over the day to day decisions than the other. There aren't any set rules about whether the dominant partner is the male of female partner. It is more likely but not necessary of course, that one of the partners in this type of relationship would be a stay at home parent, if the relationship includes children.

People have been socially conditioned to believe that 'vanilla' is the best type of relationship to have. It is a better fit for 21st century partners. But, there are literally millions of families across the world that not only would argue the value of a traditional lifestyle but that also live as we do. I have lived a "D/s" lifestyle with my husband of many years and I'm quite happy, content and secure with my life. I personally couldn't envision living any other way. As a testimonial to this, most of our friends and family frowned on our choices of roles in the beginning only to admit later that not only did they see the benefits to our lifestyle choice, many said they wished they had a relationship as secure and strong as ours.

As early as biblical times men and women accepted very specific roles in their relationships. Women typically bore the responsibility for the home, children, meals, cleaning cooking etc. while the men had the 'hunter gatherer' responsibilities. In history we have seen over and over where women were relegated to a subordinated position within the relationship. I find it almost comical that up until the 20th century this was widely accepted as the norm. Divorce rates were lower, children were taught respect and manners, religion was always a big part of the core family's values etc.

Contradictory to the past, people today try to share equally in the roles and responsibilities of relationships. They want to be the bread winners, child rearers, chief cook and bottle washer. I must ask this however; given the highest crime rate in all of history, the lack of respect and honesty from our children, kids killing other kids, kids killing their parents... have we done society a favor by trying to spread ourselves so thin in our responsibilities that we have failed? Many if not most of you will probably think I'm completely nuts for having this opionion but you must agree my arguments make you think?

The funniest thing about today's relationships is that many if not most relationships mirror the 'old fashion' relationships where there is an unspoken seperation of responsibilities. These people that live in these relationship are, I believe afraid if not almost embarassed to admit their comfort with living a traditional lifestyle. They find it easier to put on a facade for outsiders to avoid the ridicule of being labeled weak. Accepting a traditional role in a relationship and making it work for you takes strong person with strong convictions. This is to me the sign of a stronger than average person with values and convictions that overshadow the strengths of those that would otherwise find fault.

You may live a traditional life with your partner and don't even recongnize it for what it is. Consider the following things about yourself of your partner before you criticize the next time. You may find you are one of many that has or at least yearns for the safety, security and tranquility of a traditional life.

1. A dominant partner has the understanding that they are not perfect. Not even all you macho guys that think you are.

2. Dominants know they have flaws and accept that fact. They have come to terms with this fact and have figured out how to best control them.

3. Dominant partners realize that the proof of their dominance doesn't come from the person who might call them the boss, but from within themselves. This is proven out to them by way of their personalities, ethics, standards and values.

4. A Dominant has realized that they have the responsibility to themselves to inform as thoroughly as possible regarding the wide ranging aspects of a traditional lifestyle. They take the time to consider what their own needs are within each aspect of their life and are capable of clearly expressing those needs to a submissive partner.

5. Through life experiences dominants have learned the importance of trust and respect in a relationship. They recognize that their partners can only submit to them and accept the control of a partner that has the character of one that makes them worthy of one's respect and trust.

6. A dominant partner always understand that before they can expect a submissive partner to give over control of their lives that the dominant partner must have total control over their own lives first.

7. Dominants accept and understand that fairness, honesty, character, integrity and consistency are not just words to be used to gain an advantage on a selective basis but they are concepts that represent the character of the dominant themselves.

Think about these qualities and ask yourself. Do these things sound familiar? If they do then you might be one of those living in the closet, or at least you might find you have the basic building blocks to build a relationship that can withstand almost anything life can throw at you. Next time you hear someone say "we live a traditional lifestyle" stop and think before being critical. You will be a better person for it.

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