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Parterapi (Couples Therapy) - It May Save Your Marriage

By: http://www.MyIndoorherbgarden.com/


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Divorce rates in Denmark are among the highest in the world, making the word "parterapi", Danish for couples therapy, of vital importance to a great number of Danish couples

Most people I've spoken to regard parterapi as the last resort before divorce. One has long been dissatisfied. One has tried with arguments and long talks, but nothing has helped. One has spoken with friends and parents, maybe even with a priest or bartender - but good advice is hard to come by. One has (almost) given up.

Parterapi is perceived as the last resort. A brave attempt to save a faltering relationship. For many the thought of having to pay cash for help in working out a relationship is seen as a defeat. And it's expensive as well...

Upon arrival at therapy, it often turns out that the expectations, far from shared, are quite different for the two participants. For some, it is already over and only the tidying up remains. Help (or courage) is needed to end an often painful existence. Some arrive unwilling to participate but unable to decline being "dragged" there by the other - unwilling or unable to refuse to taking part in what may be a fruitless rescue attempt.

Many arrive in the hope that some quick advice will be forthcoming that can help them get back on track so they can continue with the happy relationship they had before it all went wrong.

- and many are told, to their surprise, that the therapist cannot offer a magical cure. They discover that they need to begin a period of hard work and that the help they can get from a therapist consists of guidance and support in the rebuilding of a stable and trustful relationship. They also discover that it may take more time than they thought and that the work involved may be harder than anticipated and that progress may not be smooth but that relapses can be expected. Hopefully they will share laughter and tears along the way and find the courage to continue.

Courage is needed to open up and reveal one's thoughts and aspirations to another. It takes courage to share feelings, to allow another to see one's strengths and weaknesses. And it takes courage to open oneself to another, vulnerable and without the protection one has built up over a lifetime.

It is hardly surprising that so many give up after only a few tries. Or never come to begin with.

For those who make the effort and succeed, it has been well worth the work. The results of therapy are an increase in self confidence and in confidence in each other and in the relationship. Therapy provides strategies for solving future problems and difficulties, increased insight into ways of confronting the world and an understanding of how differences are important. The couple learns how they can help each other achieve the dreams neither one can achieve on his/her own.

And often they ponder: "What made us wait so long?", "I wish we had known all this long ago", "Just think of how happy we could have been all this time.", "If only we had known"

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Having marital problems? Ilan Wolffberg is an American psychotherapist residing in Denmark for over 30 years. Read his views on Couples Therapy or on Parterapi as they say in Danish.



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