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What The Sandwich Generation Can Bring To The Holiday Table

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Are you wondering whether your family dynamics at this year's holiday dinners are going to be a major problem and scare off your daughter's new boyfriend and his parents? Do you want to take the family conversation up a notch or two this holiday season and talk about more than turkey and gravy? Are you tired of stuffing the bird and ready to pass the proverbial baton to the very capable members of the younger generation? Use the following helpful tips - especially those that apply specifically to your family situation - and begin to create a new set of family holiday rituals:

1. Make a very conscious decision to put aside any longstanding misunderstandings and individual differences so you can enjoy the family time together. Plan to arrive at dinner with an open mind, no annoying complaints and an accepting heart.

2. Before the meal, begin a general conversation about the significance of gratitude. Have both your children and your parents talk about what they are thankful for and discuss how expressing these kinds of feelings can become a part of everyone's daily lives.

3. During the dinner, deepen the discussion by encouraging all family members to identify their core values. A core value is about being, not about doing. For example, you may set a goal of being a more secure and satisfied person rather than one of having a lot of money. Decide to live up to these standards by taking action and create a more congruent and satisfying way of life.

4. Pause as you recognize the many talents, skills and positive character traits of other family members, as well as your own. Serve as a role model for your extended family. Increase everyone's self confidence as you openly acknowledge and describe their personal strengths and resources.

5. If you're ready to think about being a guest instead of the host at these gatherings, make this holiday a rite of passage. Whether you're edging your kidults out of the comfort of the nest or taking a well deserved respite for yourself, begin to shift the responsibility of family get-togethers to the next generation.

6. Pass on the rich and deep legacy of your family from past generations. Let your adult children know how much you value keeping the family close. Set high standards and teach by example as they watch how you lovingly take care of the increasing needs of your own aging parents.

7. Encourage the younger members of the family to preserve the old traditions and give them your support while they are busy creating innovative customs of their own. Remember to express your deep appreciation as they develop new family and holiday attitudes.

Whether your emerging adult children make an executive decision to create new-wave sweet potato recipes or cook the turkey and stuffing in the microwave, it's now out of your control. You wanted a break, so here you have it. Sit back and relax - all you need to do is agree to pass the gravy.

© Her Mentor Center, 2006
Article Source:http://www.isnare.com

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Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. & Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. are founders of www.HerMentorCenter.com, a website for midlife women and www.NourishingRelationships.Blogspot.com, a blog for the Sandwich Generation. They are authors of a forthcoming book about Baby Boomers and family relationships. They offer free newsletter Stepping Stones.



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